Being consistent with my routines has taken literal years of practice. When you add a new piece to your morning or evening, what you’re really doing is creating a new habit—or possibly letting go of an old one. Habit changes are something I’ve been working on since I was a kid.
The Nail-Biting Chronicles: My First Habit Change
The first time I remember making a significant change, I think I was in third grade—around eight years old. I used to bite my fingernails, and I mean, really bite them. They were gnarly and always looked mangled. There was something oddly satisfying about it, but I wanted to start painting my nails and explore my personal style. (Really, I wanted to experiment with my gender expression, but that’s beside the point.)
I made the decision to stop biting my nails, but it wasn’t easy. This was a years-long habit I was trying to break. And while this might sound like one of those Facebook mom posts where a three-year-old says something impossibly profound, I swear this was my thought process at the time. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop biting my nails cold turkey, so I had to replace the behavior with something less destructive.
Finding a Middle Ground
My middle ground? I decided to just chew on my nails without actually ripping them off. (Still gross, I know, but please don’t come for me.) This still gave me the satisfaction of biting them, without the damage. I did this for a few weeks until I was able to fully wean myself off. Looking back, I realize I eventually replaced the habit with chewing gum (clearly, I have an oral fixation), but at least I wasn’t biting my nails anymore—and I could paint them! By the time I was 13, I was using crackle nail polish, so was it really a win? You can decide.
The Key to Letting Go: Making the Decision, Repeatedly
All this to say, when it comes to letting go of bad habits to create space for new ones, the key is making the decision to change—not just once, but over and over again. Every time you get the urge to revert to the old, unhealthy habit, you must decide not to do it. It’s not a one-and-done kind of thing.
Gradual Change Beats Cold Turkey
Another key to success, I’ve found, is not quitting cold turkey. When I’ve tried to stop bad habits—like quitting vaping as an adult (that pesky oral fixation again)—I’ve failed every single time I tried to stop on the spot. To successfully stop vaping, I picked a date to quit, set it a few days to two weeks ahead, and committed to that date. Don’t push it off, because then you’re just lying to yourself, and we want to build personal trust.
Once you decide on the date, remind yourself of it every day. Allow yourself to continue the “bad” habit without guilt until that date. During this period, gently remind yourself when you’re quitting and pay attention to how you feel when you indulge in the habit. Notice what triggers you—stress, boredom, hunger—without judgment, just awareness. This will help you once you’ve hit your date because you’ll be mindful of what’s happening and can choose to respond differently, empowering you to stick with the positive change.
Creating an Alternative Practice
Every time that urge comes up—whether to bite your nails, hit your vape, or whatever your habit is—sit with the feeling. Notice where it manifests in your body and breathe into it. If you’re not ready to fully embrace challenging emotions, have an alternative practice in mind to help you through. For me, it was chewing on my nails or chewing bubble gum. For you, it could be the same or something else, like drinking a glass of water, doing five jumping jacks, or any practice that works for you in the moment.
It can even be a personal reminder—like flossing. Almost every night after I brush my teeth, I toy with the idea of skipping the floss. And every night, when I consider it, I remind myself: if I want to be someone who flosses every night, then I have to floss every night. It’s that simple, and yet, that challenging.
Consistency Is Key
Habits usually have a trigger, which doesn’t have to be “bad.” For example, your “trigger” to get out of bed might be your alarm going off. But for bad habits, the trigger is often an emotional response. So once that trigger comes up, have a plan for what your response will be. Again, this isn’t a one-and-done thing. You must continue to make the decision every day.
xx
